Luke, the barn!

They look awfully cheerful for people in danger. Maybe they don't realize they're driving off a cliff.

Posted byZan at 12:01 PM 0 comments  

Hepped up on goofballs

A gritty, realistic tale of the horrors of addiction. "Consider THIS an intervention, you dizzy broad!"

Posted byZan at 11:29 AM 0 comments  

A steaming Pyle

The horrifying truth: they could have designed us a much nicer looking book cover, but our pride in being crazy assholes to everyone is more important than such worldly concerns.

I really have to wonder what the F stands for. Nah, I think I know...

Posted byZan at 11:25 AM 0 comments  

A classic

It's my birthday, and that means it's time to reflect and realize an important lesson this book imparts: it could always be worse. Thanks, scary pretend Aunt Jemima!

Posted byZan at 11:43 AM 0 comments  

They're setting D-Con human traps!

I'm not going to lie. I love this cover and would display it proudly in my home if I owned it.

Posted byZan at 1:00 PM 0 comments  

Beware of counterfeits

Hmm. Splintery, flammable, vague foresty scent...yep, I think I've got a piece of wood here, and I owe it all to this invaluable guide.

Posted byZan at 1:31 PM 0 comments  

Baby's First Coprophagia thanks.

Posted byZan at 11:07 AM 0 comments  

Something's wrong in Vermont!

The Quaintsville covered bridge holds the horrible secret to what's been drinking all the syrup and shredding everyone's matching sweaters!

Posted byZan at 10:25 AM 0 comments  

So scary it blows.

One of my favorite cover subjects is horror books about completely un-scary things. Grrr! Those curtains'll teach you to call them ugly and claim they clash with the wallpaper!

Posted byZan at 11:27 AM 0 comments  

Other hand colors aren't as scary

The shadowy figure skulked out of the darkness, and an unearthly chill went through the room. Lady Ebonyheart Ravensblood turned around in shock, dropping her cursed amulet on the floor. Her face twisted into a grimace of disgust. "Steve, take those stupid red mittens off. I don't care how cold it is. You're seriously ruining the atmosphere here."

Posted byZan at 11:11 AM 0 comments  

Just more to caress your codpiece with

I think I may have found the greatest romance novel of all time. Why? Count the princess's hands.

Posted byZan at 11:32 AM 0 comments  

Just what I always wanted.

*crunch* Ow! Who put these goddamn rhinestones in the spaghetti!?

Posted byZan at 10:21 AM 0 comments  

It came from behind the shed

This is what happens when you leave plywood unattended for too long. It takes on other forms.

Posted byZan at 11:35 AM 0 comments  

That makes me a MAD panda

Of course that panda's pissed off, you shipped him to Canada just so you could shoot him in your own backyard! You're both evil and lazy, Gord.

Posted byZan at 3:27 PM 0 comments  

On breaking it to your kids that their dad is totally lame

"Well, Jenny, it's because it's used for...uhm...internet...something. You know what, I don't know either, and it's probably boring anyway. Just don't touch it, because that large heavy thing that I don't know the purpose of is expensive as hell."

Posted byZan at 2:21 PM 0 comments  

Striking a careful balance

"A million Fausts? Nah, not quite enough. A billion? Hmm, I don't want anyone thinking I'm wussing out here. A HUNDRED TRILLION?, that's just silly."

Posted byZan at 12:20 PM 0 comments  

Oh, I'm sure it's a LOT more.

Warlock Lord Abraxxas Sexington carefully prepared for his dark magic ritual, making sure all the reagents were in place. Mandrake root, check. Basilisk eyes, check. Store brand cologne and Hawaiian Tropic man-chest oil, check and mate.

Posted byZan at 12:14 PM 0 comments  

A million beautiful possibilities

How about throw it in the ocean?

Posted byZan at 9:36 AM 0 comments  

A little mascara oughta fix that faulty heart valve

Sure, she's killed several patients due to gross incompetence. But she's so pretty!

Posted byZan at 11:40 AM 0 comments  

I just want to start a fire in your butt

This sounds more like a Chiller Channel Original Movie than an erotic novel. He lurks in the shadows outside the University For Totally Hot Chicks Who Study, Like, Science and Stuff. Just when they think it's safe to sit down, the THONGBURNER strikes!

Posted byZan at 10:59 AM 0 comments  

Billy Cattington always suspected he was different

Shhh. Don't tell him...he's adopted.

Posted byZan at 11:40 AM 0 comments