If you get stuck in the brimstone, hit the spacebar



Hell is a low-budget video game from 1996.

Posted byZan at 11:13 AM 0 comments  

It's a diet miracle! ...I think.



I assume the plan consists of soaking all your food in the bizarre swirly mustard/poison concoction in the gravy boat. "That's disgusting. I'm not eating that shit!" There! You cut a lot of calories!

Posted byZan at 5:29 PM 0 comments  

My Bitchin' Pecs Will Teach You To Code



I feel bad for every unfortunate 80s student who had to buy this for a programming course. "No, it's a textbook! Really! Jesus, I hate my professor."

Posted byZan at 12:12 PM 0 comments  

That's as crazy as her patients!



I can believe ghosts physically manifesting from psychological unrest. Interdimensional space travel, sure. But a woman doctor!? Ridiculous!

Posted byZan at 1:48 PM 0 comments  

...but none of it is anything you'd want to read



Wow, this book looks incredibly exciting! I can't wait to...ZzzzzZZZzzz

Posted byZan at 12:28 PM 0 comments  

From the author of Spectral Sparrows



Terror in the pasture! SEE animals with tiny little bites on them! THRILL to the amazing hero weasel armed with his wee wooden stakes! BEWARE...no small-to-medium size vermin is safe from...VAMPIRE VOLES!

Posted byZan at 12:25 PM 0 comments  

Take off, Nazi scum!



This rare treasure of a novel tells the rip-roaring story of the McKenzie brothers and their loyal dog Hosehead fighting the Nazis, who apparently took that "Great White North" thing a bit too literally.

Posted byZan at 11:31 AM 0 comments  

But that middle-aged white guy says I'm cool!



This guy certainly looks like an expert on being awesome. Look at those stylin' clothes his young disciples are wearing! I would definitely let him give me awesomeness tips. I wouldn't pay him, though.

Posted byZan at 2:22 PM 0 comments  

The American Publisher's Stockpile of Descriptors



My favorite thing about Harlequin books is that the titles are so great you're never tempted to actually read the crap inside because it'd just be a big letdown.

Posted byZan at 1:31 PM 0 comments  

He's #1



With a name like "P-1", I'm sure it was absolutely hellish.

Posted byZan at 11:20 AM 0 comments  

A Punderful Fantasy World



If there isn't at least one "horse's ass" joke in this, I'm going to be very disappointed.

Posted byZan at 12:03 PM 0 comments  

Follow That Stench!



Meat: it's like dog food for men! This was published by the American Can Company, which I'm sure is a fair and impartial source of info on the wonders of canned meat.

Posted byZan at 11:10 AM 0 comments  

Happy Friday the 13th Part II!



Pfft. That's not scary. Every house in Maine has a doll like this in it. You get used to it pretty quick.

Posted byZan at 1:20 PM 0 comments  

Hosin' Around



"Why, what a lovely and unusual quilt you've made, Muriel. I've never seen one quite like it. What's that fabric?"

"Used pantyhose!"

"...You know, I just forgot, I need to sort all my Franklin Mint plates. I'd better get going."

Posted byZan at 2:25 PM 0 comments  

Not so fluffy now, is it?



This is Mr. Wibbles. He is a 5-time grand champion Persian cat, and his hobbies include loafing on the sunny spot on the floor and chasing the ball with the bell in it. Do not piss him off.

Posted byZan at 12:00 PM 0 comments  

I bent my Wookie.



Chewie must have really pissed off Han Solo for him to want to shoot him in the back. Maybe he just snapped after finding 5 pounds of hair on the couch one too many times.

Posted byZan at 10:55 AM 0 comments  

I hope it has brakes, too.



I love this cover just for the fact that the dragon has a steering wheel.

Posted byZan at 1:20 PM 0 comments  

You had me at "Yee-haw."



He was charmed by her when she treated his moonshine poisoning. He knew it was true love when she fixed the injuries from the jug band disaster without flinching. Not many women would be willing to pry spoons out of a man's eye, but she was special. She was...the HOOTENANNY NURSE.

Posted byZan at 1:55 PM 0 comments  

Spoiler alert!



The shocking twist ending: the real villain was those puffy shorts all along. Imagine how much evil you could hide in them!

Posted byZan at 12:05 PM 0 comments  

Yum.



You can tell by the wine glass, the plastic flowers, and the crown roast of droopy wieners that this hot dog cookbook is classy as hell.

Posted byZan at 5:14 PM 0 comments  

Hello!

Welcome to the fine Museum of Bad Book Covers. Pull up a pleather chair and settle down in front of the mahogany-contact-paper bookshelves. There's treasure everywhere.



This seems like it'd be pretty easy, but hey, I'm not the captain...

Posted byZan at 7:10 PM 0 comments